The past few days have been demanding. And the past few days, have really been wonderful. How else do you feel when you think you're living your dream? Not exactly though, but how do I explain? Being there, on field, meeting people, interviewing people, has been a different experience all together, from my usual thing of subbing copies, and editing a newspaper page. It's been an enlightening experience, but at the same time, I feel..just few days..can change a lot of things. Change you, as a person. I see a change in me. What exactly, I don't really know. I've been amused at a lot of times. The relationship between a star, and a journalist/reporter, has amused me. It leaves me shocked when I see reporters asking all weird, pointless questions to stars. And I wonder, if a star has a personal life. I feel sad. As a common man, we can just pointlessly take a walk on the street, visit a temple, take pleasure in enjoying the 'chuski' of gola on the street. But stars can't do that. But again, that's a choice they've made for themselves. And I'm guessing, the love that they receive from the fans, is kind of worth it. On the other hand, I wonder if I'd be able to survive in the profession, because somehow I feel, I may not be able to sound a little bitchy like that, while asking questions, or perhaps harass someone to get answers out of them. But then, it's not a journalist's fault.
Newspapers want all the gossip, and bitchy stories. Apparently, that's what sells. It's a vicious circle I feel. Both the journalist, and a star have to deal with each other. As far as I'm concerned, I feel, we are a medium between a celebrity and the audience, to show them how a star is as a person. Hence I prefer to stick to that. I prefer to know the person, inside an actor. The past few days, have really given me that gratifying feeling all together, yet, something has been troubling me. What? I've no idea. But something I've been missing out on. I feel I've lost touch with a lot of things, a lot of people, most importantly, I haven't really found some 'me' time. Self-analysation/interrogation is the most important for me. And now since I've a little time at hand, too much of it is happening. Again, not good. I realise, I miss being loved, inspite of the fact that I do get a lot of love, from the family. I realise, I'm ambitious. More than anyone else, I expect too much from my own self. In terms of everything. The professional life, the personal life. I expect myself to do a lot, which after a point isn't good, because you then always keep underestimating yourself, and it does strain you out.
I know I'm actually talking all the random things here and there...with no point to prove, no conclusion, just random thoughts of the mind. But that's exactly what the point is. I just wish to express, not impress. I haven't bothered about the words and language that I've been using, or what am I writing. It doesn't matter. I won't stop being myself for the fear of being judged. This is me, and all my life, this is what I want to be. This is just a random post, to catch-up with a few things..that have been there on my mind. Hopefully, this shall continue..with more meaningful, concise, and precise posts coming up. More than anything, all I wish to do is..SHARE...share what I feel, share my experiences and much more.. As much as I'd like to continue..with more random, pointless things..this is it for now.. Much more..later..
Lots of love,
ChotuMissMuffet
